Now that mother's gone....

In late December of 2010 or January of 2011, I visited my mother. She had been moved into an assisted living unit, out of independent living due to several falls she had taken. We (her children) also got an agent to handle her mail.

Mother was extremely generous with worthy causes, or causes she believed were worthy. This generated an incredible volume of mail. Every day, she would receive ten to fifteen "gimmee" letters. She sponsered a child in Ecuador through "Children International" She sent money to buy craft kits for hospitalized veterans. The list was extremely long. But mother was getting overwhelmed by the mail.

Many of the charitable causes would send small amounts of cash (usually a nickle or so) She felt guilty about keeping the money. We had solved that by having her put it in a particular holder, then annually, donating that amount to the Salvation Army or the Goodwill.

While Father was failing, Mother took to shopping by catalogue. This is extremely convenient, except that every catalogue company sells their mailing lists to every other catalogue company. She did have sense to toss out about half of the five to ten catalogues she received every week.

Then there were the political solicitations. I truely believe that some levels of solicitation are so venal that they pull down the image of what ever cause they are soliciting for. Even as she was slipping, Mother felt many of the political solicitations were close to frauds.

Anyway, we got her a mail agent and moved her into assisted living.

She had been there approximately two months when I visited. She went to open her mail box and there was nothing in it. She complained. She felt that it was hardly worth having a mail box if she didn't get any mail. I told her I would write to her.

Flash-back. When I was growing up, my mother's oldest sister lived in North Carolina. Every week, Aunt Margaret would write - single-spaced typed on both sides of a sheet of paper-- a letter telling us what she was doing that week. They weren't deep, or profound, just newsy and close.

I decided to try to do the same. Almost.

On January 10, 2011, I wrote Mother her first letter from me. I used bold print and an enlarged font. I wrote two pages, since I felt the spacing took something away from the content.

I was shortly informed that Mother did NOT need large font or bold print in order to read!

But from there on, I did my best to write to her every week. It was my Sunday ritual. I would keep a note of what I had done during the week, and on Sunday, I would write my "motherletter"

The ones from 2011 are in a file "motherletter11" There is a gap from August 7th to September 18 when I went to Minnesota. During that month, I sent her hand-written cards and notes. I tried to send those twice a week. I remember the exercise of hand-writing and making it legible. It's an amazing exercise. I highly reccomend that you try it.

Once I got back, the weekly routine continued. My brothers and sister started giving me grief. Mother always mentioned that I wrote to her weekly. Mother was always good at the subtle guilt-trip.

Week by week, I continued. The only times I missed were the weeks I was actually out visiting her.

My sister commented "Oh, you have a regular routine. It's easy for you to remember what you've done." I showed her the scrap paper on which I kept notes of my activities for the week. I tried to put something different into each food bank occasion. I tried to make comments not just about the weather, but about things happening socially within the community.

It did mean a lot to Mom. I was told that sometimes she would read my letters aloud to other residents sitting in the front lobby. My letters served as a diversion, when Mother would be about to go out on one of her un-directed jaunts about the property, a letter from me would hold her in place until the next planned activity.

After my last planned trip, I wrote to her as soon as I got back. That was on Wednesday, the 12th. I wrote again on the 16th, and then would have on the 19th. But she had a stroke.

My last two letters to Mother were in her room, un-opened.

Now that Mother's gone, maybe I'll blog more often