Immigration: A Modest Proposal

No, no, I'm NOT doing a re-write of Swift for this (although I once posited that if you could re-write his essay, substituting 'welfare' for Irish, a large number of newspaper readers would not recognize it). And yes, I have said that if the stands in Nevada and Arizona that sell "Alien Jerkey" were to re-image their little, green icons, it might make some illegal immigrants think twice; but no, I'm not proposing cannabilism.

Why do immigrants come to this country?

Because it is better here than where they are coming from. Why is it better here? Because here, they can find work that pays enough that they can live and in many instances, send money home to their families.

Why can they find work in this country?

They take jobs many people in this country are not willing to do.

Why are people here unwilling to do these jobs? In many cases it is because there are no benefits, unsafe or unplesant working conditions, no overtime pay, no sick leave, and similar matters. Why? Because the employers have found that illegals are willing to work under these conditions, will not report the employer to the Labor, Health, of Safety departments that would monitor these conditions, and because of their illgal status, will not protest unfair, or unsafe working conditions.

By using illgal workers, the employer can under-bid other employers who provide safe working conditions and pay full wages.

My point? There is a huge incentive for large employers to continue the current situation. The problem is not the "day-labor" pick-ups at the corner. The problem is not the woman who cleans houses. The problem is large employers.

Check construction sites for large developments (I know, I know, there aren't a whole lot of those right now) Look at the after-hours cleaning crews for major retailors. And yes, look at the traditional occupations of 'stoop labor': the agribusinesses who grow the food we put on our tables.

The simplest way to eliminate the "problem" of illegal immigrants is to eliminate the jobs that they perform. How can that be done?

CRIMINALIZE HIRING ILLEGALS

WHAT??? You say. Why should hiring people be against the law? If you believe that by being in this country a person is commiting an illegal act, then are you not also committing an illegal act (aiding and abbeting) when you hire them? IF crossing into this country without proper papers, or staying here after the proper papers have expired is illegal, why is not all interaction that allows these people to stay here also a crime?

1. ANY employer found to have either knowingly hired illegal immigrants or to have been less than careful in requiring hires to prove their status is fined $5,000 PER ILLEGAL EMPLOYEE for a first offense.

2. On a second offense within five years, the employer head - Company President, CEO, Chairman of the Board of directors (YES, ALL of them) spends 30 days in jail for each illegal employee.

3. Third offense? DEATH PENALTY. The corporation is dissolved! The business is out-of-business. In addition, the culpable parties (the ones listed in item 2 PLUS all of the paerons who hired illegals onto the jobs) spend ONE YEAR in jail for EVERY illegal they hired.

Now, if those were the penalties, how many large employers would hire ANYONE who could not prove legal status?

Now - just to keep things 'fair', if retailer X uses sub-contractor C to do ALL of the janitorial chores in State Q, RETAILER X IS ALSO ON THE LINE IF C HIRES ILLEGALS!! In other words, if a company does not hire illegals itself, but contracts work to companies that do, the top-level company is charged with complicity in the hiring.

That's my 'modest proposal' It will never fly.

Why not?

There are two reasons:

1. As the above situation shows, major corporations have a very big interest in hiring illegals, either directly or indirectly by sub-contracting with companies that do.

2. Ever since the expiration of the 'bracero' program (late '60's) Mexico has used illegal immigration to the United States to export their most ambitious members of the underclasses. If even half of the people who have come into this country illegally from Mexico had stayed at home, they very likely would have formented a revolt against an enourmously corrupt ruling class.

Quite honestly, I believe that Mexico uses this as a threat: if the U.S. actually cracks down on illegal immigration, Mexico would face serious upheaval. This threat serves to prevent true, serious immigration reform in this country. Face it, it is not in the interests of the U.S. to have Mexico in the throes of a revolution.

Of course, there is a simple, knee-jerk response to this: annex Mexico.

We had that opportunity in 1848. We didn't take it. Why not? There were three primary reasons:

1. The people of Mexico did not speak English.

2. The people of Mexico had brown skins.

3. The people of Mexico were primarily Catholic.

Which of those reasons still holds true today?

Uneccessary things that Haven't been invented yet

Just the title makes me smile. Think of thigs that DON'T (we hope) currently exist, that are possibly feasible to create.

I. The cell phone vibrator:
It's ALWAYS set on vibrate!
Gives a whole new meaning to "phone sex"

II. The automatic toilet paper:
It's positioned somehow under the seat, and does it's duty after you've done
yours
"Look Ma! No hands!!"

III.

Come, my friends, let's create an entire catalogue. Clearly, there is a need for the uneccessary!!